Sunday, 6 November 2011
3 weeks makes my total of another 45.6 miles walked sound impressive. 182.8 miles completed now with 317.2 to go for me to meet my 500 mile target.
You know what I am going to say though don't you? Yes, cycling is not going so well. I have a measly 5 miles to add to my total. 37.5 miles completed leaving a lot still to go.
Since my brain haemorrhage I have been under the weather for a great proportion of the time. I am completing the walking (which looking at the figure is still less than half of what I was doing pre haem) because I have to get the girls to and from school and myself to and from medical appointments. So basically if I HAVE to I will. The problem is I am normally so utterly exhausted from the exertion and the concentrating on not getting myself run over by falling off the curb/not realising that car is actually moving - towards ME and in so much pain in the fooked feet - that I get home and collapse in a heap at home. For hours.
I find decision making, however simple a challenge now. So deciding to move off the sofa is hard enough never mind get the bike out. I have apathy, no really, it is a recognised post brain buggery condition. Motivation is a struggle, but..
I am not giving up, but I think I am taking the pressure off myself a bit. Especially as over the next few weeks I will complete about 8 different assessments to determine what and where any damage to my noggin is. I have also decided to be sterilised (I did discuss it with my husband and doctor first). I can't say I am relishing the thought of another operation, but a weeks recovery is far better than the alternatives for many and varied reasons.
And I would rather be a bit smaller before I have an operation on my wibbly middle. (My weight is yo-yoing because there is also a question mark of whether I have PCOS, well, why the hell not? I am collecting medical conditions for the hell of it now.) So I have an equally compelling reason to keep trying to push myself just a bit with the exercise as I do to stay curled up on the sofa.
I'll keep trying, this is an inspirational volleyball quote apparently but it is true anyway:
Monday, 24 October 2011
Then did 10 mins on rowing machine, which my ipod decided to soundtrack with a Belle and Sebastian song. Which was a) slow and b) had the first line "Oooh, get me away from here, I'm dying". CHEERS IPOD.
Discovered that the crosstrainers have.....FREEVIEW! So I did 15 mins there while watching This Morning and feeling angry at Eamonn Holmes, standard. Only did 2km, but I was timelimited so there we are.
Then I made a twat of myself. Went in for a shower on autopilot. Got in, turned on water, realised I was fully clothed. Thought "oh dear, I'll take my top off". So I did. But I forgot my bra. and my pants. Which means I am walking around with wet patches on my chest and my arse. Well done Franco!! :D
I don't think I'm quite awake yet.
More minor rookie error: woke up today with the nerve pain I sometimes get in my neck. Gave in and bought some paracetamol, took it before gym. Forgot exercise will make painkillers get out of your system faster. Now have to wait 2 hours til I can take more, getting kicked in the throat by pain every 30 seconds. Oops.....
Friday, 21 October 2011
But I properly joined the gym today (it must be true, I have the university-branded locker token and everything). Was there actually working for just over an hour, which isn't bad. I was slightly concerned as I was fairly alright after that, whereas 30mins of 30dayshred leaves me dying for about 30 mins afterwards. However, perhaps that's just cos 30DS is v v v high intensity, and the gym is different?
I did 30 mins on the treadmill: 2 min warm up, 10 min powerwalk, 15 min jog and the rest a powerwalkjoggycooldown thing. Have not yet mastered jogging while moving arms without falling off-given that the thing was set at 8.5km an hour falling was a major concern-so jogged gripping the side bars for dear life. Like an idiot. But hey. looking like an idiot is nothing new for me when it comes to running about :)
Then did 20 mins on rowing machine, which I like cos I get to sit down. Arse is too big for the little seat tho, I kept tilting by accident. Also like rowing because I have the impression, which may be wrong, that it works my arms as well. which the other stuff doesn't do really.
Then 15 mins on a crosstrainer thing. Which was ok. Although the ipod socket wouldn't charge my ipod, boooo. Apparently I did 2.9km on the treadmill, of which 1.5 was probably running, and 1.25 on the crosstrainer. The rowing machine display kept dying on me so I don't know what distance I did there.
Apparently, on the treadmill my heartrate was at the high end of "endurance training" range and on the crosstrainer was on the high end of "athletic conditioning" (!) which sounds impressive. Highest I saw was 195 bpm, which I think is the highest sustained rate my heart's ever been at. And yet I did not even come close to keeling over. Which is good, right?
Thursday, 20 October 2011
I didn't do much, because I wasn't able to get an induction and when i looked at the weight machines I wasn't sure what to do. Will try and sort that soon though. Last night I just stuck to the cardio suite (oooh, get me, all fitnessbunnyspeak), so 15 mins on treadmill, 15 on crosstrainer, 15 on rowing machine and 10 mins on crosstrainer again after i chickened out on weights. Also did 5 mins on spinning bike thing. Er. Won't be doing that again....pain pain pain.
I've never been in a gym in my life, and overall I just got the impression like I was back at PE in school. There was communal changing! Which is what made me hate PE in the first place. And there were plenty of thin fit people. But there were a few girls who were just as fat and wobbly as me. So that was nice. I'm going to make an effort. We'll see how it goes.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Anyway this fortnights stats are as follows:
Walking: In the last 5 days I have managed 13.7 miles which I am pretty pleased with (not least because when I say I mashed my already fookedfeet I am not exagerating, they are sore *violins please*) This means I have 362.8 miles to tramp.
Bike (yes hurrah! I have finally got on my bike!) I have managed 10 miles! Hurrah only 467.5 to go.
I got the final all clear on Monday following my brain hem in February on Monday and am feeling much more comfortable starting to really push myself now. So I am hoping I can get closer to 10 miles minimum a week now and start bringing the end in sight much quicker!
Motivation is still hard. I am still anxious doing much outside the school run because a) I have to take the children to school or I get told off and b) I did it so long before my brain exploded that it is hard wired into some undamaged part of my skull, not to forget c) my brain does not control my body temperature properly so I am either bright red and soaked in sweat when everyone else is cold or expiring when everyone else is hot. It is very embarrassing, it doesn't encourage me to feel the burn in public.
But I am trying to recover my fitness as well as my self confidence and self esteem so I keep trying to push myself a tiny bit further every day.
Monday, 10 October 2011
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Sunday, 2 October 2011
It has been 2 weeks again. This is partly an attempt to get more impressive cycle stats to share. It isn't working though. I have read a very interesting book about a guy who cycled from the UK to India but only managed 1.4 miles myself. This means a pathetic 22.5 miles completed and a massive 477.5 to go.
I need to establish some sort of routine here. Maybe half an hour every morning when I am watching Homes Under The Hammer perhaps?
Walking is really picking up now I am getting fully into the swing of taking the girls to and from to school (and have managed not to be ill or bed ridden too much) 38 miles this fortnight which is 123.5 miles completed with 376.5 to go - much happier with those stats.
If anyone needs be I'll be knee deep in Amazon lists of stuff, as per usual.....
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Something else I thought I might share is this recipe for courgette muffins
Taken from AllRecipes.co.uk
- 225g (8 oz) wholemeal flour
- 1 tablespoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 175ml (6 fl oz) skimmed milk
- 2 egg whites
- 4 tablespoons vegetable oil
- 4 tablespoons honey
- 4 oz grated courgette
Preparation methodPrep: 15 mins | Cook: 20 mins
I spent the first half of the week in hospital and the second at a wedding in the south of France. One was considerably more fun that the other. I didn't take a pedometer to France but I did do a fair bit of walking. The converted textile factory on grounds we stayed in were about the size of my street and also there were hills. Not hills on a Sheffield scale but hills on roads with no pavement shared with French drivers. I kept myself moving and the heart rate up...
So as it stands I don't know if my gap means more treatment or what so for now I am carrying on as normal. Both my girls are now in school full time and the walk to and from just twice a day has already upped my walking quota. The cycling is still trailing miserably behind but my new plan is to try and fit some cycling in every day (Monday to Friday) now I have the house to myself, preferably whilst watching Homes Under The Hammer.
Plus I am at the hospital twice this week for a consultation and then physio on the fookedfoot. The manipulation and conversation are both going to be painful to some degree but at least that is another couple of good walks factored in.
I know this is not a diet blog and I know we are not in the business of hating ourselves but a wedding did mean photography and most of the photos I have seen of myself make me want to cry to be honest. I watched Clare Richards: Slave To Food too. My self confidence is not exactly sky high but I figure if I put half as much effort into keeping moving as I normally expend of trying to bury my feelings under chocolate it will be far more productive!
Scores on the doors:
Bike - 1.5 miles completed, 21.1 miles done in total leaving 478.9 to do
Walking - 19 miles completed, 85.5 miles done in total leaving 414.5 to do
Saturday, 10 September 2011
Going to Paris on Wednesday, where I shall have a week of detox on good food and will prob lose weight through shitloads of walking. So, on balance, yay.
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Monday, 5 September 2011
Saturday, 27 August 2011
But you know, I don't like to just write stuff. I like youtube videos and images to jazz things up a bit. As usual I turned to google to provide me with a suitably funny or quirky illustrative image for this blog post. I typed in 'walk funny'. I have done quite a lot of walking, 18.5 miles in fact which brings the running total to 53.6 miles leaving 446.4 miles to go. A tenth of the total completed, I am happy and pleased with myself etc.
I should have twigged something might pop up I wasn't wanting when the images seemed to feature this or similar on t-shirts etc .
OK so now you have gone and tried that on google to see of you can find Mr CrimeWatch it only remains for me to make know the fact that I also managed 11.6 miles on the bike, meaning 19.6 miles completed and a mere 480.4 miles to go.
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
No, not really. This week has been....middling. I finished level 1 of the 30 day shred on Tuesday, yay! I'm having a rest day today because my back is buggered and I think it needs a wee rest. Am making the other half dinner tomorrow (chili! woop!) so probably won't have time tomorrow either. But I'll get back on it soon enough. :)
This week's biggest sin is that I am drinking more diet coke than I would like- not as much as before, but still- and also, that I bought an 8 pack of niknaks for me and my brother. Turns out he doesn't like them. So I've had 4 packets in 2 days. On the upside, multipack packets are TINY compared to singles. And I'll get sick of them soon, which means I can go another 5 years without eating them. So,,, that's okayish. Maybe.
My jeans have started falling down. I don't know whether that's because I'm thinner or because they've stretched (ie, am fatter). This exercise lark is confusing :(
Have had a rubbish week at work, including a true Day Of Shite, but I resisted the urge to have a couple of glasses of wine. Proud of that :) (I just ate nik naks instead....er....)
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
I've been back to the gym today. It was difficult, but I stuck with it and was rewarded for my efforts. I managed fifteen minutes on the Sideways Stepping Machine Of Death, which the machine tells me is three kilometers!
I'm realising now that where I went wrong the last time I tried to diet was that I was in mourning for all the things I never thought I'd eat again and I totally thought I was missing out all the time. The approach of cutting out eating in between meals and doing my best to find other ways to deal with my feelings seems to be really helping because it's easy. Of course I will eat all of my favourite things again. I will enjoy them, and I will move on. I will not obsess about them, or hate myself for wanting them or giving in to the urge.
Healthy attitude, healthy body, healthy mind. I feel great. It's a strange feeling. I wish I'd started being kinder to myself sooner.
Saturday, 20 August 2011
I don't know if I look any different at all (I can never tell) but in my head I feel like I've got from this:
Other plus point: for about two minutes after I finish daily workout-ing, I have visible abs muscles. I just need to make them hang about a bit longer.
By the way, a top tip: don't bother trying the new Triple Choc limited edition Mars Bar. I bought it expecting a lovely combo of white, milk and dark chocolate. What it actually is is chocolate-flavoured nougat topped with chocolate-flavoured caramel covered in chocolate-flavoured...chocolate. It was bleurgh. Avoid :(
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Today I am very, very sore. I can barely move. No position is comfortable for any more than five minutes. I am a victim of Body Pump.
It's hard to describe Body Pump. There's no jumping around and there's weights involved. The wiki page leaves me no clearer. Something about repetitions and endurance. You basically work every muscle group with varying degrees of weights until you want to cry/die/go home. I nearly did all of those things yesterday.
I managed about half the class yesterday, being generous, though I am proud I did none of the crying/dying/running home things mentioned above.
So, with this, I have my first goal. I will complete one of these classes. I will do everything that I am supposed to do, I will not cheat and I will keep up with all the repetitions.
I will let you know how I get on with that one. Eeep!
As goes the healthier eating, it's still going well. What has really helped is having a healthy cafe called Lovegrub that's just opened round the corner from my office. It's lunchtimes on the days I'm there that are dangerous. They very kindly deliver to me which means that I don't have to walk past a fried chicken emporium to get there, which is helpful. Their salads look like this, so it's hard to refuse them. That's mackerel on there, by the way. I know it looks like a giant fried thing.
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Day 3 of 30 day shred done, so 10% and first milestone. I couldn't walk yesterday, but today the pain in my thighs has receded to merely wincing when I stand up or sit down, which I think means my quadriceps are adapting? Yay.
Also day 3 of no Diet Coke (a big thing for me) and no bread. Yay.
The aforementioned wedding is tomorrow, and usually my solution to being too skint to drink is to have diet coke. I'll have to have a think about what to do. May just have actual alcohol, is less disastrous for me than aspartame. Am leaving quite early anyway. Hmmmmm.
Am also looking at joining my uni gym when I go back for postgrad in October. I've walked past it for 5 years, this must change. It's only £40 for a year! Thing is, I've never been to a gym before. How much gym-going is normal? Once a week? Twice? Halp, Clueless Francololcat iz clueless.
Sunday, 14 August 2011
But the reason for this post isn't that. Sigh. I was clearing some clothes out today and I came across the size 12 jeans that I last wore in November, when I was first starting to get ill, and when I realised I was getting fat(ter) They were tight then; today I could get them shut but couldn't get them over my hips. So that means I've put weight on since then. I feel, frankly, fucking wretched.
I'm starting to think that just walking more isn't enough. It doesn't appear to be making any difference. So I dug out my copy of the 30 Day Shred*. 30 mins intense workout every day for a month. I did it for 10 days last year, but chucked it because I was too ashamed of the noise my big heifer self made when I was jumping about in my parents' house. Those ten days did seem to make a bit of a difference, though, although perhaps I was kidding myself.
Of course, the shame issue still applies, because I'm an even bigger heifer now, and I always feel stupid doing any exercise or making any effort to get thin if my parents know about it (many,many issues there). So I can't promise that I will do it till the end. I do feel slightly last-chance-saloon now though: nothing I try seems to work. Part of that is PCOS making weightloss difficult, but still. Bloody demoralising.
Anyone who fancies joining in is welcome: it's pretty high-intensity, so if you're up the duff I'd perhaps refrain (and it might fook fookedfoot up more, sorry Fiona :( ) but everyone seems to rave about it.
Did day 1 today, a month to the day till I go home to Paris for a bit. Counting in a few rest days, I should be nearly finished by then. You'll need to tell me if it's worked, as I can never tell...
To counter that shower of miserabilism, here's some cheery things from FrancoLand:
- One of my best friends is getting married on Wednesday. Yay! The dress I wore to the last wedding I went to, in July 2009, while a bit tighter, still fits. Double yay!
- Found the skirt I wore to the first date with my boyfriend. We'll have been going out for a year on the 27th of August. Skirt still fits, although has an elastic waist, but fits as in "doesn't have to be round my ribcage to fit" sense. Yay!
- Aforementioned anniversary means we're going to the Fringe to see our favourite comedian (Josie Long). Yay!
- I am currently deploying strategies to escape my mundane-but-minefieldesque job and get a better one. Cross your fingers for me. Yay!
* Available for a special price of £0.00 at your friendly local torrent site, not that I would know that. *cough*
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Made it back today though, and really enjoyed myself, despite this contraption being the very definition of evil. It looks like a stepper, but it's not. It goes sideways as well as up and down and it's harder depending on what part you hold it on. I managed six minutes. It is my nemesis. I will conquer it.
Sunday, 7 August 2011
And I will tell you right now I have not done as well as I would have liked on my challenges. No cycling at all *shame face* but a little more walking than last week at least.
But before I give you the score on the door I have photos from todays walk to share. It is often said Sheffield is built on seven hills. Personally I think it may be more than that, there seems to be hardly any flat parts of this city at all. Anyway one of these hills is at the back of my house. Now in the past I have not only walked up this hill but I have also pushed a fully loaded double buggy up it too. I was in a car making the same journey not so long ago and I'm not quite sure how I managed it.
Living as I do on the side of the former industrial heart land of the steel city I am used to a more urban than green landscape. Even though I knew there was greenery of some sort behind the play ground at the top of the road I never went and investigated. Luckily a couple of months ago my husband and children did. Feeling in desperate need of a good walk to clear my head this morning I suggested they show me all this woodland, roman road remains and breath taking views they had raved about. Walking the hill with nice things to look at rather than busy roads and houses has got to make things more interesting right?
It was about 3 miles in total and took a little over an hour as we did have to stop and investigate things. It was also pretty steep, I could tell you that but you might not believe him hence the photographic evidence secured via mobile phone. I felt a million miles from home half the time and the rest I was staring out over at impressive sized chunk of Sheffield. My head in clearer, my thighs hurt and next week I'll be back in the (figurative) saddle.
|On the way up looking out over Sheffield|
|And a bit higher still|
|Looking back the way we've come|
|Looking back (over my shoulder... sorry) again|
|In places it's more a mountain and a hill but if they kids can so it so can I!|
I added another 14.1 miles to my tally making 27.6 in total leaving a mere 472.4 to go.
Friday, 5 August 2011
Despite turning redder than an embarrassed beetroot, I did it. I walked through the door again. There were no alarms, no questions and definitley no staring. Well, I did get some odd looks because I'd forgotten to take my sunglasses off of my head but that's clearly my fault.
I started out slowly, doing 20 minutes of cardio and some resistance which was followed up with a swim and steam room. Lovely.
I also had a chat with a lovely man who worked there, who gave me some tips. I don't think I'm going to be able to afford personal training, but I at least know I'm on the right track. We did have a slightly embarrassing chat about how long I've been a member for, but I suppose I had that coming.
Still haven't decided on a goal, but well proud of myself for taking the first step. I am currently enjoying the time between still feeling the exercise good stuff and before the pain sets in. It's there. I can feel it beginning, but it will be the pain of achievement.
Monday, 1 August 2011
I'm currently in a Scottish northern fishing town (Scotland's most easterly point, fact fans!) on a fairly fruitless grandparental mercy mission which most of you here probably know about. I'm going home tomorrow.
My granny likes to cook and I have eaten in 2 days:
Herring in oatmeal
McKenzie's Triangular Oatcakes (dry,amazing)
and given that my granny and granda are the personification of doddery, I haven't been able to francofastwalk them off. I've got two nights out (fairly sober however) planned this week, so I'm thinking I might have to write this week off. Bah. Suggestions on how not to, while still allowing me to do fuck all on my week's leave are welcome.
PS I suppose, thinking about it, most of that is low-carb ish. maybe that's consolation.
Sunday, 31 July 2011
If we are going to get fit for the Olympics it seems to me it would be remiss of us not to plan some sort of finishing line of our own. A medal ceremony accompanied by own own personal anthems maybe a little ambitious (and it is unlikely The Proclaimers would be able to spare the time to come and play my anthem personally) so instead I suggest either we choose a point on the Olympic torches journey to London and all meet up to see it (or we all pick a place nearest to us and cheer it on there if funds are tight).
Lise and Helen below have been very honest about where they are in terms of their weight, fitness and goals. So I thought I should also post a little about why I am doing this. For me this process is kind of a thank you to myself. My poor old body, I have been battering it for neigh on 20 years now. Since I was the first girl to obviously start puberty in middle school at the grand old age of 11 I never really felt comfortable in my own skin.
I internalised what we might tactfully refer to as a difficult adolescence and beyond and battered my body inside and out with too much alcohol, nicotine, sugar, fat, binges, purgers, starvation and every crack pot diet in-between Despite all this my body has never let me down. During a very difficult delivery of my eldest daughter it did everything it could to protect her and get me through one close call with death in really pretty good shape. Then it fought off viral meningitis and then it got me through the small matter of one brain hemorrage and one lot of brain surgery in February of this year. It seems to be that it might be time to cut my body some slack and actually respect it a bit, look after it a bit better.
Now sure my bones are not perfect either, (in fact having osteogenesis imperfector leaves no room for doubt) but actually my bones do their best to keep me moving too. I am recovering from an operation on my foot (known in these parts as my fookedfoot) to reshape the joint of my big toe and hopefully once the pain has gone (please God for good) I'll be back to walking the miles upon miles a week listening to my i-pod like I used to before my life took such an unexpected turn.
As you might expect much in the way of physical activities has not been a priority for some time. In fact for a while I wasn't capable of much beyond sitting on the sofa, not that anyone wanted me to do much more than that anyway. Now as my physical mobility increases and my brain is being more co operative (at least 50% of the time anyway) I am finally, like a squeaky, rusted train starting to gather a tiny bit of steam.
I plan to start increasing my independence by going for walks alone in the first instance. Not least because my body seems to have lost all ability to adequately regulate it's temperature so I'd rather less people saw me sweating like a piggy. And the wonder of my bike thing means I can do that whilst watching Homes Under The Hammer. God I LOVE Homes Under The Hammer, does anyone know how I get Martin and Lucy's autograph? Anyone?
ANYWAY, right the result this week are:
Walking 13.5 miles so 486.5 to go
Cycling 8 miles so 492 to go.
I am fairly ambivalent about those figures, it's a start I guess. I told my doctor this week about my 2x 500 mile plan when we discussed my ongoing rehab stuff. She looked at me with a mixture of amusement, concern, pity and hope. Assuming nothing else happens *touches wood madly* I'll see her again in 3 months. I plan to have some pretty good figures to show her then, and I don't just mean a smaller bum!
Saturday, 30 July 2011
I'm not calling it a diet either, for the simple reason that I know when something is forbidden to me I rebel like a twatty surburban teenager, except with Twixes this time, rather than badly-applied eyeliner. And my bizarre relationship with food, by the by.
There's very little time in my life when I've not been at least chubby. I went toddler-chubby>bookish child who was shit at sport>fat teenager who was able to eat shit for the first time in her life and went overboard. If I'm absolutely honest, looking back, perhaps I absorbed some food issues during my childhood. We didn't eat sweets and had a pretty sugarfree and lowfat diet. I'm sure my parents were doing the best by us at the time, but a low-fat sugarfree diet in the early 90s (and now!) means gallons of artificial sweeteners and Flora, ie, the shit that I now know puts weight on me like nothing else.
So, when I went to secondary school and could eat loads of crisps and crap, I did, to a ridiculous degree. By the time I was in 2nd year at uni, I was over 13 stone and a size 16/18 at 5 foot 3. Sadface.
But then! I left the country, and went to work abroad for a while. A combination of being poor, having no oven and living with someone who had food issues meant I lost a lot of weight; about 3 stones in 6 months. For the first time in my life I looked normal, felt I could wear nice clothes etc. The downside of being able to feed yourself for €10 a week means that it's not very varied. I lived on muesli for breakfast, a couple of biscuits from the tin at work for lunch, lentils with other veg for tea; yoghurt for dessert. Tap water to drink. Every day for a year except Sundays. It sounds boring, but I LOVED it. I felt healthy, energetic, all that.I also felt as if I was worth something, for once.
But I had to come back, and that diet is unsustainable here, because veg are so much more expensive in the UK, but also because I moved back to my parents', and most of the control over meals was understandably removed from me. However, I managed to stay at that weight for a long while.
But....this year has been difficult in a lot of ways. To cut an already overlong story short, I got ill in the last year of my University degree, and no one could fix me. It turned out to be an allergy; incredibly minor in the scale of things, but it meant I was in pretty much constant pain for about 6 months. But because I looked normal, no one realised it was debilitating to me. Eventually all the NHS could suggested was to man up, stop moaning, and celibacy. By this time I had been with my new boyfriend for about 7 months, during 6 of which he'd put up with me doing my best nun impression to try and stop the pain. When the doctors told me that there was nothing they could do, I kind of fell apart. In my mind, not only was I in pain, but it wasn't ever going to stop, I was going to lose the man I loved and I could never be normal. (Drama queen, I know) And therefore I ate crap, in an attempt to feel better.
So here we are. I managed to fix myself through a last-ditch idea, woop! So no more pain for the moment. However I've put on about a stone in a year. I'm probably about 11 and a half.
I will never be skinny; I have a genetically large arse, and PCOS, so I will never have,never have had, a flat stomach. I can accept that. But when I look at myself now, all I see is acres of fat. I hate myself for going backwards, so scared of going back to how I was. I spent my teenage years in clothes that suited me, that I was told were suitable for my figure, but clothes that were boring and safe, from M&S, Next, etc. The joy of being thinner was/is being able to buy vintage, unconventional clothes that I liked as per my personality. Maybe I still can; I don't know, because I daren't try. I'm 22. I have 2, 3, 5 years max until I'm too old to shop in Topshop and H&M and "young" shops. Before I have to dress "nicely" again. It's the idea that I'm too fat to enjoy my youth and it's my own fault which hurts and disgusts me the most.
I'm doing Olympfit because I have to change this. Too much of my life has been spent in depression and self-loathing. It might not work, but my pals are doing it with me and if I know anything I know that they are some of the world's most supportive people. So I have nothing to lose.
Thursday, 28 July 2011
It seems I have been slightly remiss in the posting stakes lately, I think it’s because I knew this post was going to be hard to write.
As I build up the courage to return to the gym... (and it’s taking a while) I’ve been trying to eat healthily.
But we’re not calling it a diet.
The thing is, we can’t really. I’ve been on A Diet before. I lost a lot of weight, but I wasn’t very good at it. To cut a very long and boring story short, I’m not allowed to go on a diet anymore.
I’ve been trying to concentrate on cutting the excess. I’m not really concentrating too hard on the meals, but rather the bits in between. The hard thing in all this is that I’m probably the world’s worst emotional eater, so the last couple of days have been quite hard for me in that my feelings haven’t really had anywhere to go. It’s been a tough couple of days, but I’m recognising that that is what’s going on and accepting it for what it is. Something that I need to go through to break the cycle.
This is probably why the fitness thing appeals to me. It’s an outlet for my energies and when I’m exercising, I’m too lazy to undo the work that I’ve done with food so tend to stay on the right path.
I have no idea what kind of goal to set. I know I want more energy and to be healthier, but have no idea of what I may be capable of. So I’m going to hold off on the goal for now, but I will start the exercise regime soon. Honest. If I don’t, please poke me. Thanks.
Monday, 25 July 2011
Google also tells me that I'll be walking 4 miles every day when I stay with my parents, 2.7 when I stay with my parents but go home to my boyfriend's, and an utterly shameful 1.4 on the rare days when I both leave and come home to my boyfriend's. Is it me or is that a bit shit? I'm a bit sad about that.
In other news, on the yay side I have ordered a cable for the aforementioned iPod shuffle. On the nay side the stitching on my running trousers has come apart in the washing ON THE FOURTH WASH. They were expensive. I am annoyed. Now the drawstring no longer functions and the double waistband doesn't exist, so wearing them is painful. Bah. Hey ho.
I have decided to combine walking with 'cycling'. When I say 'cycling' I mean this:
here. So currently my plan is going something like this....
No, I am not going for a Proclaimers style make over but I am wondering if between now and the Olympics I can walk 500 miles. Since I am doing that, I am wondering if I can cycle another 500 for good measure. However as easy as it is for me to stick the DS pedometer in my pocket and convert the kilometres to miles (better go dig that out tonight actually) the 'cycle' thing tells me time, calories burnt and how many revolutions the pedals have done.
I need to figure out a way to convert that into miles, any ideas?
Thursday, 21 July 2011
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
Hello, my name's Lise, but call me Franco, everybody does (long story). I'd like to be a bit thinner than I am now. I consider myself quite fit in a "can walk a long way without moaning" way, but can I run past the end of my street? Can I buggery. So I suspect the idea that I'm fit may, in fact, be bollocks.
However. I have a plan. I started the couch-2-5k plan a fortnight ago, which was great, until I royally banjaxed my hamstrings and ankles. No, I don't know how I managed it either. Sadface, So. I have an eliptical walker thing which has festered in a corner for ages. It's a hateful thing but I reckon it'll be easier on my muscles than running; I also don't mind doing crunches for my abs so if I put in a good few of them a week we might be rolling.
Also, in a spectacularly sudden financial SNAFU,it turns out that from Sunday I won't have money to buy my weekly bus pass until pretty much the end of time. This means I'll be walking about 90mins to and from work 6 days out of 7 until Septemberish, hopefully 3/7 after that. Hopefully that makes a wee bit of a difference.
Allez les filles, let's roll.
So far I'm thinking that I'll reset my DS Walk With Me, start using my pedometer, track how far I can walk, convert that into miles and then see how many equivalent marathons I can do between now and then.
The marathon is an Olympic event isn't it? Well, it's an idea anyway......
I seriously need to get fit.
I haven't decided what my goal will be, but right now I'll settle for not convincing myself I have diabetes every time I'm thirsty.
Some others want to get fit too. If you do, let us know. The more the merrier.
I'm a bit excited about this now...